yeah, we don't understand. the wings losing for guys is like girls finding objects in their body..just weird and sad
Whoa. I woke up to 10 new text messages. All about bacon.
What did I eat last night that was bloody?
it's like his penis is God's way of saying "sorry about his face"
You were offering to spell people's name for a dollar.
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
OMGGG I JUST SAW A REAL OWL JUST CHILLING ON TOP OF A SIGN POST. I WALKED UP TO HIM AND SAID HOO HOOOOO AND HE TURNED HIS HEAD AT ME AND WAS LIKE YEAHHH BRO
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
I came home wearing somebody's thong. If you're missing one message me privately.
So I woke up with a terribly bandaged finger an then discovered a pot of bloody onions on the stove.....who the fuck decided it was a good idea for me to try and cook
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
She took her panties off, then farted in my general direction. I guess we're at that stage in our relationship.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
I was sleeping and woke up in the bathroom already puking like i slept walk. Perrrrrrfect.
I’m sorry my lady boner messed up your mojo!!
Randomize
