i think i have reached a jessica simpson level of regret
he rolled over and started playing skeeball on his iphone after we had the best sex yet considering he only lasted 10 seconds last time.. im getting standards.. tomorrow. for now im just going to enjoy the fact i counted over 20 this time.
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just got hammed at grandma and grampas 30th aniversary bash .. from the looks i was getting im guessing i wont be seeing an inheritance ...
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
We're gonna have horrible, horrible babies.
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
We knew it was a good time to leave when you spilt the salsa on the ground and were trying to put it back in the jar with your hands
So I totally just used margarita salt for a body scrub.
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
It may be a clusterfuck, but I'll be looking classy as shit as I watch the nightmare unfold
I'm not talking about Donald Trump in the midst of sending you nudes
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
YOU SLEPT WITH A GUY WHO HAS A BILLBOARD IN HIS HONOR?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
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