Now it won't go down.
You've got a gift.
no morals, dignity, or self respect ... just an empty condom wrapper and a facebook request
Why did I wake up this morning with 10 tally marks on my hand and a penis drawn on my tits?
All signs point to mom being high. 1) making chicken at 2 am. 2) dancing to smooth jazz. 3) she asked where the peanut butter was
She stopped mid-blowjob to introduce herself to us
I mean, there was frosting being put on a tunafish sandwich. Pretty sure she knew we were high.
Just warning you now f you do not get intoxicated with me in front of the family on thanksgiving we are not related.
You should try cooking mac & cheese naked sometime. It's quite relaxing.
Names, who you're caught in bed with, both minor details
i got to his house for our first date at the same time as his dealer, so what I'm saying is I'm in love
It tasted better than Jesus's hair.
I felt like I was selling my soul to satan but then I realized I already pawned it for drug money
I'm still not 100% sure who I'm sleeping with
I just gave myself a foot massage. #SingleAsFuck
I woke up handcuffed to a bed wearing nothing but an army belt. Does this count as thanking our country?
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