you wouldn't even come home last night... Dead to me
Yes. UR adorable in a weird way.
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I had fun last night. We should have sex less often.
So im at the gym and some guy has a tattoo of a hand doing the shocker... The douche bag bar has been raised yet again.
no i did not stop my best friend from eating out my sister...bros before hoes
I love having a boyfriend. I just ate pancakes with regular syrup and chocolate syrup, I havent shaved my legs in a week, and Im still going to get laid tonight.
fuck. you.
I think I'm going to wait until after Halloween to call off the wedding. No need to ruin my favorite holiday.
votings over. no more wacking it to anti christine o'donnell ads
told weddin planner we wanted to work in ceremonial body shots before vows. she hasnt reponded yet...
You do realize that you tried to eat the neighbors cat because the dominos guy was 5 minutes late. You would have succeeded if we didnt stop you.
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
I deserve like a purple heart or something. I just made it all the way drunk through my 2 story house without making a sound. While carrying a trombone.
My life has evolved from screwing randos, ok?
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
Randomize
