Can't remember why I called but it definitely had something to do with Lou Bega
My family just suggested tequila shots. I had Vietnam style flashbacks.
Sex should be hot, sweaty, messy, and a little painful. At no point should it involve tiny rocks
Word to the wise: learn how to ask "What is my bail posted as" in French before traveling abroad.
he just tried to convince me that tylenol is a gateway drug
you woulda been proud of me tonight though. i only made out with 2 guys. and in my defense one of them was to get a job after graduation.
I think he's on the stoner protein diet. I just saw him, at 3 am, spreading mayo on a slice of deli ham and sprinkling salt on top.
Sent him a picture of my pregnant boobs from last year, think he'll notice the difference?
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
If our sexual relationship was relative to the Harry Potter series, I would have claimed the Wizard's Cup at least ten times.
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
My aunt just dropped me off at the bar, handed me $50 and told me she'd pick me up later if I needed her to. I should've gotten my license suspended a long ass time ago lol
You walked in on us hooking up, hugged me, high fived him and unhooked my bra.. You claimed to be helping
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
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