One of my boys faked an orgasm while fucking a girl tonite, w/ out wearing a condom mind you.
She caught him, and immediately put her clothes on and left.
question: does your pee smell like mojitos at all?
come on don't hate me. your brother looks just like you its almost a complement that i had sex with him.
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
Showering in my swimsuit in hopes of getting the beer smell out.
Girl just walked into the bar with a T-shirt that says "I'm not Irish, kiss me anyways." Target aquired.
Revised rule: don't put your dick in the general vacinity of mental instability.
Not even dry humping. Not even a little bit.
I usually don't buy birthday presents for my booty calls
But you'll make an exception
probably not
By getting lucky do you mean I get one of your incredible BJs or you not killing me by the end of dinner?
Just made a memo in my blackberry that contains seth's funeral arrangements. I have a feeling he has big plans for the weekend.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
but you were the sluttiest panda there and you need to embrace it
I left my panties in the microwave for too long and they caught on fire
If we try hard enough and believe in ourselves, we can still make it to Wendy's before they close
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Randomize
