Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
I said I wanted my dignity back. He brought my thong to me after sharpie-ing "dignity" on the front. I'm not sure if I should me mad or impressed.
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
i chugged some hot sauce before i gave him head. i think a burning penis is a great way to say fuck you
The girl beside me at the laundromat is bitching a guy out on the phone for jizzing on her bedspread. She had to use a triple machine to wash it.
Wake up, take the dog to the trails, puke in the woods. More days should start like this.
It's been this way for a few days. I had chick fil a on Friday so this could be an attack from the Gay Gods as punishment.
Btw, do you want me to fix this with a box of wine and a chick flick or is this more of a 'lets head to the strip club' problem? I'm just trying to analyze the emotional depth of the situation.
May or may not have been going down the road shooting fireworks.
at work, .. 47 yr old boss was in a fight. 2 BLACK EYES. I may get fired. I cant stop laughing
Do you know how hard it is to was the scent of sex from your hair in a gas station bathroom?!
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
He's been pretending to be gay for 3 months in order to get free weed.
Duck, Duck, Goose is now the autocorrect, safe for work version of fuck, fuck, loose.
her and her boyfriend kept giving me coke ad kissing me talking about my awesome boobs
Randomize
