Do you want the good news or bad news first?
bad news
The bad news is i thew up on your bed, the good news is i found out who ate your cheetos.
Do you ever think that bumblebee is the gay transformer?
Every day of my life.
Woke up with a treasure map of my room stuck with sticky tape to my ceiling. followed it and found $75 with a note saying; "eat this if we're invaded"... I'm never getting stoned again
my history teacher totally just suggested that we record his lectures and play drinking games with them later so that we pay attention to the material.
he broke up with me while standing outside, half naked, waiting to fuck him. i feel like a leper right about now.
it's to the point where working 2 jobs this summer will absolutely not cover how much i will spend on alcohol next semester.
It was only 12:11 and I needed to make a Pepto Latte and call it a night, I don't remember that being part of my new years resolution.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
As payment for all the times you have babysat me while im drunk, im giving you the shorts i stole from the guy i stayed with on friday night. They're clean. Come get em.
I can't straight up say the only reason I smoked a couple bowls with you was for your three legged cat
I just want someone to put their head on my boobs and laugh at my jokes ....
Do you remember when I didn't post that pic of you fucking an avocado on your boss' desk? Can you return the favour?
Keep in mind this was 2012... YOLO was a very new concept.
I AM SMARTER THAN EVERY FUCKBOY WHO HAS EVER SWIPED LEFT ON ME
The only thing I remember is the 300 pound man breaking ur railing from sliding down it at 3 am. Must of been a good night.
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