I'm currently imdbing Helena Bonham Carter to see if there are any pictures of her that don't scare the crap out of me.
Good luck with that.
he wanted me to put the condom on for him. I was high and couldn't figure it out.. so instead we played xbox.
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
ok, she started talking about how she swears her step dad killed her mom. starting to back out of this one
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
1.) You left the rest of your whiskey here 2.) I drank your whiskey 3.) then made a steam roller out of the bottle 4.) Everything tastes like whiskey
Oh we will ALWAYS be together. Or I'll have to delete my Facebook altogether. I've drunkenly boobie trapped photos of us into every album. There's no way I'd ever have the patience to go through that deletion process.
Can you think of a sexual word rhyming with snorkel?
Hey Cat, it's Michael. You made out with me for a hot dog last night and I feel super used.
Sex and bbq. He sure knows how to make a girl feel special
I wanna stuff your vagina full of Reese's peanut butter hearts and eat you clean
He said 'I really struggle with the sin of lust' then we proceeded to have sex. So I guess it was a perfectly executed Catholic pick up line?
Also, I had mind-blowing sex on a pool table
He lasted less than 30 sec. in bed and then sent me a friend request on LinkedIn. Wtf.
do nipples grow back?
Randomize
