Please forgive me. I will pay for your emergency room visit.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
dont get mad but guess who just got banned for life from dodger stadium
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
Whales. Broccoli little trees giant. Magic in cat form. I want my loco and juice. Black in shower. Brb remember life.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
Whiskey??
It will be at least another 6 weeks before I say yes again. I'm bruised. I stole sex cards and a really nice pocket knife. I acquired a vial of my own blood. Talk about a yard sale...
Handcuffs are allowed in carry on luggage :) just checked
Well my sober pact lasted almost an hour. Then I did four shots. But in other news, one of those shots I took with a midget. So like I couldn't turn that shit down.
If a cougar buys you pizza and wants to show you her newly-won house, you have sex with her. It's the law. Just being all the man I can be dude
Well, I'm hung over and my penis hurts - two signs of success
I've got your keys and your panties. You can have one back. Your play honeybuns.
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
An old Grimace plushie came to life and gave me a pretty knife. I'm never doing acid again.
Randomize
