If you are in NYC and not seeing anyone, you should come fucke me now because:1 i am not in love with you anymore, 2 i am drunk enough where i won't feel the n eed to kisx you awardly to avoid your beard, 3we have unfinished business that i wpn't get -assed unyil orgass have been had, 4 i really really want to
i think i should save myself the $200 for a prom dress. i mean why bother. its just going to be covered in vodka/jizz/and puke by the end of the night.
He keeps trying to sell me the forks from his kitchen drawer
He posted on my wall. Idk if I'm ready for that big of a commitment.
The cop was more concerned with the syringes on the dash board than looking for the source of the smoke. Thank god for diabetes!
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
Believe me. As soon as the boss man is out the door. I am on my way to wow your vagina with my horse-like attributes.
How many of my tattoos need to be visible for an outfit to be considered "see-through"?
Hindsight: Dressing up in nothing but a bra, booty shorts, and police tape made for the most awkward walk of shame of my life.
Christopher Columbus didn't sail the ocean blue so I would have to go to class and not have sex with my boyfriend
Last night I dreamed that I got eaten out by Lego Harry Potter.
Definitely just threw up in a mcds cup going through Wendy's drive thru. I'm way to hungover to go to work today
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
Wow dude wow that's sad man so sad. I dno't event wanna massturbate anymore due to teh sadness
Randomize
