If I could pick any std, I would pick genital herpes. Seriously. Have you seen the commercials? The lady is riding a fucking bike, swimming, and on a date. I have a perfectly fine vag and all I do is go to the library.
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
4 feet of snow. teaching the cats how to snow swim. throwing them off the porch and seeing what happens.
Coming out of the blackout mid beej was nice. Seeing her face was not.
Nothing says walk of shame better than a onesie and a 12 pack of corona..
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
He ran over from the bar to give me more singles because the stripper was doing gymnastics on me. He is a really great friend, just probably not the best boyfriend.
You raged at the rock climbing place for not selling beer and then just said "fuck it" and pulled out a flask.
I thanked him for the booty call offer but told him I'd rather just do it myself
And on the first day of my adult job, I matched with one of my co workers on tinder...
How do I say "I want to suck your balls" in a classy but sexy way,
why is there a shopping cart in my back seat? and a dick drawn on the side of my car?
Idk I saw a cheetah print onesie and it reminded me of your Lion King fantasy.
I don't think we should let her have pot anymore. She ate an entire package of bacon half-cooked and screamed that it was al-dente.
Randomize
