Phosphoglyceraldehydration... why the fuck is this a word
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
Dear Derek. I would like to offer my sincerest apology for the 2 to 6 text messages you are about to read. Also for the 15 minute voicemail, which may or may not have sent. Sincerely, Sober Katie
So he was supposed to be helping me with my math but instead we ended up drinking coconut rum in his basement and having sex. I think my mom was right, getting a tutor will be good for me. Relieves the stress.
Must say, as a couple, she and I are thrilled that our pretend lesbianism has paid off.
I told him his only options were from behind or me on top. I was not about to mess up my $80 blow out before graduation.
I can't help you right now because I'm shaving my feet...like a lady.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
She just walked out of her bedroom naked and asked me to help put her diaper on. Yeah, that pretty much sums up the last 24 hours...
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
we had to invent a new word for how drunk I was last night
I'm eating chicken wings naked and hungover at 10am... Happy bday to me
No, not if I told them not to. they listen to me. I have a vagina.
In California. Through an entire game + OT. That’s a long time to have an octopus in your pants.
Unless your name is actually "Ticfj" like my phone says, I have no idea who you are...
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