on my arm i have a score card from when we apparently had a competition to see who could harden his nipples fastest..
who won?
THAT is your concern right now?
I got spanked with a cardboard tube. Apparently he used to be a percussionist. Who favored marching band tunes. It was weird.
He was eating mac and cheese. Raw. Like as in he was eating the uncooked noodles then pouring the dry cheese in his mouth.
Why are all the dvds taped to the fish tank. Really.
Well idk about you but my nose is all recovered for the weekend.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I'm not sure which is more depressing, the fact that the hospital is making me put together a living will before surgery, or that all i'll be leaving behind is 25k in student loan debt
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
Some kid just stopped wherever he was walking, turned to me, and gave me a slow clap. So I'm pretty sure my walk of shame beats yours.
I'm pretty sure there a million tiny ninjas in my uterus poking me with sticks.
We had sex twice and at Wendy's how dare you diminish that.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Ahaah! I just stole batteries from work for my vibrator. I am that person.
I don't want them thinking I'm like, "Mm, yeah, kitchenware in my ass please."
Randomize