Gonna get hammered and start online dating men in prison. But... only the ones who get out within two years.
Girl's gotta have her standards.
Man, the last time I saw you you were giving me a thumbs up while being pulled out the bar by your belt from some girl.
The only reason anyone found out he threw up is because everyone heard it sizzle the bonfire out.
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I feel like I wont be making enough money to support my frivilous lifestyle of beer and mcdonalds
We talk about tequila and blow jobs the way that normal people talk about the news and the weather.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Im fairly sure two chicks roofied me last night. Suckers. I love free drugs.
you really need to remember next time not to write your name and phone number on the paper its wrapped in.
But what if it got lost?
its illegal. you dont want people to contact you if they find it.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Pretty sure i brought my phone charger to a booty call
Yup on the verge of buzzed and drunk. I managed to make my way into my cat's box house to fall asleep. I'm comfortable
As long as you keep bringing fries home, i'll keep being naked when you get home
he appreciated my fucking vagina for two hours he can appreciate my honesty
Randomize