Dude I'm so glad we're not friends anymore. It would have made fucking your stepmom last night really awkward. Dickwad.
She got her phone back last night. And the first thing I sent her was a picture of me pooping in a culvers bathroom
just had amazing sex with a girl I got caught with in second grade playing doctor. her examination is finallllly over
so i don't know how many beers it takes to make a recliner look like a toilet, but that's how many i had.
I'm sorry I kept calling you a pussy... but to be fair, you were being a pussy.
My sister came home, pulled two nalgene bottles of jaeger-bomb out of the fridge, changed out her 3 inch heels for 6 inch heels and left in under 3 minutes. I've never been more proud of her.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
anyone who texts me today gets a complimentary picture of my mangled foot. starting with you.
ewwwww wtf when you left last night you were fine?
I'm in a dress, surrounded by Republicans, and the bartender just told me he's "out of Jack Daniels" in a very accusatory tone. Shit, is it only 8 PM?
I tried to twerk on a barn in 3 inch heels at a party last night and nose dived into mud. These were all new friends. I'm probably not allowed back. Cool.
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
my mom snuck into my room, washed her clothes and made her breakfast. what the fuck she's a better boyfriend than I am
Went home w the NY Islander in a NY Rangers jersey, needless to say he was pissed
On another note- any interest in going to a gay bar to hit on 19yr olds?
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
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