sometimes i just want to live alone. my roommate keeps looking at me weird like hes never seen a girl eat plain salt before
For future references, orgasms clear sinuses.
Definitely just blazed with the housekeeper. That woman needs a raise
Don't byou dare ruin egg salad by putting your penis in it that would be so sad.
I'm trying to decide whether it's worth it to masturbate in this gas station bathroom
SITTING NEXT TO A CIRCUS PERFORMER AT PLANNED PARENTHOOD. THIS IS MY LIFE.
That bar is one yeast infection away from total annihilation.
I should come with a disclaimer that reads "bad at relationships and defensive when confronted about it"
or maybe "WARNING: picks fights when bored"
i don't know if this is a cannibal joke or a sexual innuendo, and i think that's a beautiful description of our relationship.
If you walk into a place and someone says "happy birthday" while handing you a shot. You. Take. It.
For reals. He's my age and he still hangs out at his frat house & gets hammered every weekend. Idk if I'm jealous of him or if I pity him
And for the record I didn't even have sex last night. I threw up in his toilet and slept in his bed until noon
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
I'm crying during the second episode of Golden Girls that's how high I am.
I got fucked in a bat mobile this morning. Being slutty rules.
Randomize
