I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
It'll be just me and my penis against the world.
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
I kinda remember trying to staple rolls of toilet paper to make a pillow, but it's blank after that.
We were eating hotdog buns dipped in French onion dip in lawn chairs at 4am. That drunk
She has puke on the back of her shirt not quite sure how the hell she did that
You have all been randomly chosen to participate in a new game called: how high was I? If you have any information about this or about where my clothing items went give me a shout. Thanks an good luck.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
Don't talk to me about lonely until you're eating marshmallows for dinner in your underwear watching House of Cards for 12 hours straight. I hate all you couples
Those nachos came to me in a dream
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
His PENIS is so fucking big that I always use caps, out of respect.
There's something about a foam party that makes freshman want to turn their lives into full blown shit shows. And I'm ok with the fact I am one of those.
On a scale of 1 to 10, with 1 being “good” and 10 being “banging a student’s father”, how bad is it that I’m banging a student’s father?
Randomize
