im surounded by vag. Like smog aound LA, i am suffocating in an atmosphere of pussy
chasing shots of tequilla with sun chips. its doable but not recommended
i've got to stop sleeping with short guys. they always turn into stage 5 clingers
he said he has something really important to tell me but isn't ready yet. It's either that he loves me or has herpes
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
I'll just tell her I'm here with you picking out a buttplug for her to say "I'm sorry".
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
Is there a non-awkward way to tell a girl I work with that she looks just like my favourite pornstar?
So I fucked her. If you're keeping score at home, it's all tied up with horrible sex with someone I like and great sex with someone I hate both with 1.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
FUCK YEAH PUPPY BOWL
We need to stop smoking. I just ran into a glass door.
Fuck you, i'm all jacked up on bananas lets go somewhere
Need to use your shower bro.
FWB wearing glitter again?
It’s like she’s marking her territory
Randomize
