Damn I can't remmbre the last tome I had sobr sex
Um. I believe with my boyfriend, slut
Fuck. Wron person. But yea
Just took a beer bong out of snuffaluffagus's trunk. Your move
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
We are doing handstands and somersaults in the pool. With an inflatable beer pong table and our regular beer pong table. We're ponging by land and by sea
I'm going to superglue stuart's hands into socker boppers
But seriously he was like a god with his hands. My vagina feels annointed.
I made a blanket fort and am drinking Gatorade and eating donuts watching 500 days of summer. I can't keep spending my saturdays like this.
I want to figure out a way to work "if you suddenly die, I might turn into an extreme hoarders" into my valentines day poem
You called to teach me about fire safety, meowed a whole bunch, said "I hope you are not on fire" and hung up.
so I guess I made a note in my phone last night to remind myself not to do shrooms on the cruise ship
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Should we go get some celebratory "I'm not pregnant" tacos?
There is resin on and IN the refrigerator. Its even on the food. My god, what happens to you?
So you thought it was a good idea to make plans for the same time same place with the guy you were sort of dating AND his best friend you slept with?
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize