I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
it wasnt like "sexy" or whatever. like...she was smiling just standing there butt ass naked
tasteful.
At what point did you actually think that you could throw knives safely?
being pregnant is like rehab
With me living this close to Mexico now, Tequila is just a geographical choice at this point if nothing else.
In preparation for st patty's day I finally had a shamrock shake, and I invested in an app that will apparently keep me from drunkenly texting you pictures of my tits this weekend. Please let me know if you want to not be put on the "forbidden" list!
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
THINK! exactly how many raw eggs did you color and hide in my apt.
Just told myself the phrase "You're not THAT single" while dressing myself
Just threw up in the trash can at my desk. I guess "beating the hangover" eventually leads to this.
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
A legendary roster of degenerates has been assembled.
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
Randomize
