I want to snug with you.
You want my snuggie?
I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
I just left the house and 2 chicks are in the kitchen making breakfast. Might want to get up.
I'm up, no shirt, and staring at a breakfast casserole. Who are these girls?
Only in college do people pre-game a meteor shower
I am sitting on the couch "eating" a frozen big bucket margarita with a spoon.
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
On a toatally unrelated note, I see music in my hair
I legitimately thought I was gonna die getting finger banged to ja rule in the back of your car last night.
Please don't make me ever have to hear the words "the Queen's gynecologist" ever again.
you smell like cheap hookers & chicken nuggets.
I just thought you should know.... I am fully committed to being a ho this summer
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
I just wiped cum off my face with baby wipes... #momlife
You tryed convincing the salvation army bell ringer you could do the worm and face planted into the sidewalk... I put a dollar in the can for your performance
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