apparently it's okay for him to stick his dick in my mouth but not to let me have a can of diet pepsi for the road.
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
This freshman just ran out of her seat in a 200 person lecture, opened the emergency door and vommed everywhere. Then quietly went back to her seat. $2 Pitchers hit someone hard last night.
my host sister just stared at me as i knocked over the lamp, then took out all my chocolate, walked into the bathroom, and locked the door. i'm officially the worst exchange student ever.
You were walking around with a baby carrier pretending your vodka was a baby. You tried to get pictures on santas lap
its not that he announces that he can deep throat a banana its the fact he knows he can and it makes me wonder how he found out
You scratched my dick last night. It deserves an apology and I fell that actions speak louder than words when it comes to apologies like this.
I just want a guy that likes cats and is willing to get a vasectomy. IS THAT SO MUCH TO ASK?!
I just spent 10 min explaining to my mom how orange is a strange color. I think she knows
I just did a jell-o shot with my grandmother. I can die now..
Yup. Dog walker, house sitter and mistress to the rich, bored and bi-curious. I've got a nice little operation running.
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
You said if the geese can walk on the lake so can I.
He is a real estate investor who’s face I’m going to sit on.
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
