i just got so high i needed a buddy system to the kitchen
Walking home still drunk in snow. Snowflakes are my only hydration..Need moreee
You left me on the phone while you grabbed a plastic bag and started puking. I recorded it. Its my new ringtone for you
Just me. You're probably having sex with her right now, so here's a reminder that you should be thinking of me per our agreement.
Just tapped my penis on the head and said "this will be your year buddy."
How many band members does it take to become The Band Slut? I think I might be dangerously close
Why the fuck is there a picture of us jumping a girl that's wearing my chicken mask?
I'm content with our "friends with accidental benefits" situation.
We peed on campus in the middle of the tailgate and then hit on a married cop that asked you to stop touching him
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I have a sixth sense for large penises and lack of morals
I just want to drink bourbon and have sex and then eat like, a Christmas cookie.
Some people are good at football, some people are good at painting, and he's good at being a fuckboy. Everyone has their talents.
I am mentally ready for anal.
I have more important things to worry about than you drowning your cheerios in tequila.
Randomize
