I'm convinced her vagina is similar to chernobyl, but I want to visit it for the novelty value anyway.
i overslept, had to take a cab to the train station, might puke, bought the wrong flavored vitamin water, and mj's dead. what a terrible world to wake up to.
small problem..I have a major exam in the morning so I might have to go to the library after the party
so no drinking for you?
don't be silly
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
Sorry I pulled the thermostat off the wall..
You were talking about masturbating on the phone then said you had to go because golden girls was on then you called me back saying you seen that episode already.
be ready to rage tomorrow. like naked ranch dressing rage
I think I'm just going to up-end a bottle of wine and look through pictures of what my life used to be.
Is it possibile to sprain your taint?
She was that bad?
That awkward moment when the dude you blew on camera in college friend requests you on Facebook.
Who is this?!????
That awkward moment when you think you're texting a friend the above statement, but instead you text a stranger.
I don't know his last name, but he's in phone as Pat the conqueror.
She kept asking for cigarettes, than just put them in her purse as "savings"
Well then she has to know whoever you were kissing was in overalls because that's not a detail you just leave out.
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
And now, by the power vested in me by the state of intoxication, I now pronounce you fucking awesome.
Randomize