you don't know how close you are to someone till they ask you to shave their ass.
the cop asked for your social security number and you gave her your high school locker combo
She's the hottest girl I've ever seen before and didn't lose her virginity until she was 19. As men, I take it as failure on our part that hot 19 year old virgins still exist.
I'm sweating so much right now i look like Whitney Houston
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
I was paranoid that someone would jizz in my hair while I had the cucumbers over my eyes. Super-High Spa Day didnt work out.
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
Just recreated a sandwich from the caf in my own kitchen. Graduation denial at it's finest.
I found you walking along the street hammered. You walked up said hi and handed me a beer.
I also need to get my life together but instead I just eat spoonfuls of Nutella. We can't win 'em all
Update: the condoms are expired and Canadians are NOT to be trusted!
Please tell me im imagining that i claimed that i was king of the ducks.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
I can't be sure but I think I slept with a clown last night...
Randomize
