I'm watching ellen!
just because im gay does not mean you need to notify me every time you watch the ellen degeneres show
So many lesbians keep hitting on me. I'm about to give up and just go home with the manliest one.
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I legit just said "vaginal access denied" then told him his password hint was "tequila shots"
Ripped lines in the bathroom before my presentation.. Got bonus marks for my enthusiasm.. This is why I love drugs
Happiness was finding the hidden Gatorade in the fridge
Just woke up from a weed coma and found a stem in my bra. Rainy day success.
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I think I just got drunk texted by my psychiatrist
I made a booty call at 3:30 am on a Monday... I think I just became the ultimate female fuckboy. I don't know whether to be ashamed or get myself a trophy.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
Gez, you make a couple noises and all of the sudden your the loud girl.
My trash can is full of used condoms and girl scout cookie boxes.
If you are refering to the duckling living in your bath...I can explain, but before I do, can you throw a peice of bread in there?
Randomize
