it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I swear it's like I have a jerk off quota I have to meet each week. If I miss three days I have a wet dream and it's like a wasted jizz, and it gets everywhereeeeeee.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
So apparently we dropped beers outside the apartment last night, and someone RETURNED them! Ha like what? I just walked out the front door to Christmas in a box on my doorstep.
I guarantee that wasn't the first penis someone placed on her forehead.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Uhm after 8 I don't recall anything. All I know is there's a picture of me playing pong with my grandmother.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
Well now you know my birthday fantasy: gangbang consisting of men wearing NPR pledge t-shirts.
my grocery list today consisted of condoms. and butter.
umm... whats the butter for?
No no. Thank you. Killed multiple birds with one penis.
Me and my dad hot boxed a hotel bathroom... That's what I call father son bonding
I cant tell you how much harder a belt makes hoeing
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