Last-second stop at the drug store for lube and condoms. Clerk said "So uhmmm...that's a done deal, huh?"
High five!
so i just saw your dad embarking upon a biking journey in full reflective gear
...this stays between you and me
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
GOOD NIGHT DREAM OF ALCOHOL SNO CONES
I think you begin to realize how unfair life really is when you're high and you discover that the new box of fruit by the foot on your shelf is actually empty
He turned down jacuzzi sex. He cares more about my vagina than i do.
I wore water proof eyeliner just incase the first picture of me of 2012 is a mugshot
Everybodys gonna want to make out w me dressed as big bird
Big bird is like some childhood daddy fantasy come true for carnival
Your boyfriends underwear are hanging from my kitchen window. Where the fuck are you?!
My dad told me to bring weed to easter Sunday dinner..
WINE AND FILM. TALK ABOUT AN UPGRADE FROM NETFLIX AND CHILL.
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
She was calling him Bob Saget and asking him to buy her shots....how do you think the night went?
Idk I just think that seeing that man's Twitter always resulting in me looking for the whiskey is a bad sign
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