That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
Red Bull/Vodka? You bet I'm showing everyone my penis tonight.
I started making my dollar bills into rings for the strippers
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
Quick question... Can I call you daddy? Or would that just really made the whole 8 year age gap a bigger deal...?
You were rubbing sand all over yourself and everyone else and claiming you were "EXFOLIATING."
Sorry but i am wayy to hungover to take mom to her AA meeting.
Wont she be proud, Hailey.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
This is America. Thomas Jefferson would have said I want some vagina.
WHAT THE FUCK JASON, WHY IS THERE A FREE BLOW JOBS BY LISA SIGN IN MY FRONT LAWN WITH MY PHONE NUMBER ON IT?! PEOPLE ARE PULLING INTO MY DRIVEWAY!
That awkward moment when your boyfriend tries to have sex with his go pro on #hdporn
I might as well just sew it shut at this point.
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
I don't want too, lol. I'm currently awaiting my next period like its the second coming of christ
Is it acceptable to bring pot to a funeral or am I going to have to do this shit sober?
Randomize
