Im drinkin out of a coconut! I think im gonna dip my balls in it!
jungle juice + heels + stairs = broken arm
the last time i saw him was an hour he was floating face down in a pool... but i'm sure he's fine.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
We met at my place after separate parties but the condom wrapper was red with hearts and said love. Does that count as a romantic date?
She just did a bodyshot off herself. I don't care that it's only seven thirty, come pick her up.
I fucked a 6'7 Danish man. In the ocean. At 5am. Greetings from Florida!
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
My worst case scenario tonight is that I fuck a hot Swiss girl. Let that give you perspective on my life at the moment.
doing laundry. just found my fishnets from Friday. the ENTIRE crotch is torn out. guess that answers the "did we have sex in the cab" question.....
He gave me the award for most entertaining blow job. That should count for something.
She had like a side ponytail and hoop earrings though. And legwarmers. Like a horrible 80s nightmare. Don't drink and dream, dude.
Well I either feel like the fat girl or very accomplished because his bed is now broken in three places
no i'm going to the dr today, he fucking banshee-shrieked in my ear as he was coming and now i can't hear out of it
I had sex while watching Lord of the Rings last night. I think I just reached a new level of nerd.
Randomize
