what do 4 police cars, 1 ambulence, and 2 fire truycks have in common?.... My driveway
thank god dogs can't talk. they see way to much.
and honestly a story about how you met your future husband that DOESN'T include the words "creeped him on facebook" is really not a story worth sharing
he put on The Eye of the Tiger while she was in labor.
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
At what point do you think my baptist preacher of a father will clue in that my brother "bringing a foreign exchange student" for thanksgiving means "bringing his european boyfriend and they'll probably fuck every night" for thanksgiving?
did you know gatorade and rum go really good together
Are you doing depressed science again
maybe
Yeah sorry about that. I got pulled into the Russian student society's end of term party. There was too much vodka and eurodance to come help you pack.
my parents have to start far too many of our conversations with the sentence "this is an observation, not a judgment" than I'm proud of
Sorry, I thought I responded to your question. My name is Jon, we kinda had a sleepover at your friends place in OC. Don't know if you remember me, you were "dick chugging" like there was no tomorrow last night.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
I mentioned the porn thing he mentioned a brother it all kinda just came together
so is it socially acceptable to send her an "i got my man back you whore" card?
I asked what it takes to be a good delivery driver, my new boss said "always keep these in your vehicle" as he handed me a flashlight and a blunt. I'm going to like this job.
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