Yeah. He most definitely jizzed himself in the face.
So you coming over for some grilled cheese and head?
Just found 50 pesos and a coke spoon in my dads old shit. Gotta love the 70s
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
its 9am. i just got home. spent 6 hours blowing him in a closet last night
Some girl next to me in class is making a list of whta to pack for spring break & it was a normal list until she put birth control in all caps w/ stars around it
double majoring has taught me only that psych majors are sluttier than govt majors
Dude this breakup has officially hit rock bottom. sitting around watching women's NCAA basketball instead of going out
I know it was you that I fucked last night... I can smell my disappointment all over the sheets
Well I let her practice her tattooing on me. This shaky dragon on my arm says Im getting laid.
I just want a teacup pet pig so I can take him to parties with me and never have to walk home alone again.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
You mowed a straight line through three yards because you were, and I fucking quote, "In the zone." I think they know.
Beyoncé wouldn't let anything bad happen here
First post college job and I got fired within a week. Something tells me that adulthood isn't going to be as much fun as sex and the city led me to believe.
Randomize
