Seriously dude, you need to stop beating off to the ellen show, it's just weird.
He wrote my name on his dick, took a picture and then said "this has your name written all over it!"
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
Just saw the first guy i ever slept with in drag. I can hear my grandfather saying "i knew she was a lesbian" somewhere
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
He passed out so we kept throwing water on him, he got excited and asked if we were at the wave pool.
Oh wait looks like my cousin is getting deported THERE'S HOPE FOR THIS CHRISTMAS YET
Happy birthday, you long dick monster
Dude we both faced 40s of steel reserve which is like saying, "Hey, I'm a complete piece of shit!"
she's a nursing student, i didn't think vomit would freak her out so much
you puked ON HER
Honestly, I want an afternoon of mild abuse, mixed with face fucking and general molestation that turns in love making, laughter and cinnamon toast crunch naked in bed.
She did NOT find it funny to come upstairs to find me with the word "MISERY" written on my forehead in magic marker and the label to the vodka bottle replaced with a scrap of paper taped around that says "COMPANY"
There’s a special place in hell for tall guys with small dicks
They left me at home... I'm a liability
I want to shoot him sideways (so he can still breathe) in the Adam's apple with my little crossbow.
Randomize
