His idea of a romantic evening was shotgunning Keystones. What a keeper.
You know your in college when you decide house chores with games of beer pong...
Yeah! I got cockblocked by the blizzard last night. Lost girl on way to my apartment. Not a joke
We were laughing at the passed out guy who had gone to sleep under the car in the McDonald's lot until we realized it was you.
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
I think when she wakes up, she'll either kill me, or laugh. I hope she laughs.
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
my mom and grandma just had a splits competition. slut runs in the family
I totally left my shirt at your house. Also I think I high fived your cactus last night
I'm making him come over again tonight. I don't know how long this thing will last so I want to spend as much time with his dick as possible.
When did angry sex become our thing?
i want to live in a society where a 20 year old can wear pigtails and not get them called handlebars, because i look fucking adorable in them.
The smell of mosquito spray completely ruined the sex.
Got home. All the lights were on. All the doors were unlocked. My room was covered in beads, there's puke in the sink and of course our toilet is still broke. I'd say it was a decent Mardi Gras
I deleted your number after I found out you gave my brother head for drugs.
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