This dress was meant to end up on your floor
You and i never got to the, we dont care what we look like friend-stage. you know? like not brushing your teeth stage.
sorry im really high
I wish I only lived at night.
I owe all of my success to double stuf oreos and weed.
I really don't think you should have 'baptized' your tattoo in vodka the same night you got it.
Drunk Tina signed up to be part of the crew team and got a text from the captain telling her there's practice tomorrow. Wtf
The number of injuries I get impersonating Shakira while drunk is getting ridiculous. Sprained vagina, dude.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
I'm not really made for random hookups.. i'm like a swan.. i don't wanna have random swan sex. i just wanna have one swan hubby and fly around the world together and eat bread that people throw at us..
Well I checked the bush outside his apartment building this morning, and he wasn't there... So I knew he was home.
My father is flirting with a transexual server at hamburger mary's. We can never tell him.
She got drunk on the air plane and pretended to be an elephant for an hour...Atleast the kid behind us enjoyed it.
I'm currently trying to figure out a way to fill the bathtub up with mashed potatoes so when he comes over he'll know what's about to hit him..
Drunk me also decided it would be funny to change all the passwords on my computer last night. Now I can't log into anything.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
Randomize
