I was going to clean my house but wine sounded better
even after i explained my bobby knight costume the bartender still kicked me out for throwing the chair
Day two of vacation and my first drink of the day is a plan b colada
Speaking of morons, I just found half a Subway sandwich in the bathroom drawer You or your brother?
We need somewhere to take these girls. Otherwise it's a orgy in the Mazda.
I think that's the first time i've seen 'you look like an ugly version of my ex' work as a pickup line
Yeah, well I just made $600 while taking a shut cause two diff clients called while I was in here. Tell me being a lawyer doesn't kick ass.
He's still filling me in on the details. mid-table dance i asked to go water skiing?
Maybe not, but you have to admit watching him get hit by the car was gratifying
I feel that shower jager is exactly what this man needs after last night.
You're a disgrace to gay men everywhere.
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Telling someone to make good decisions on a Thursday is like telling Santa to be Jewish.
I have no inclination to even want to think about what God's existential meltdown is going to be like. O.o
Got 2 free lines of blow from some random guys on the side of 13th street.....how's your Sunday going?
I made him fuck me while wearing a Thor helmat from Walmart. Geek sex is the best sex
Randomize
