no but I have been chillin' like em' homeboys in the rainforest yo!
im contemplating emailing my dad and telling him how worthless i am and how sorry i am that he pays for my life...aka my bar tabs.
We walked in and they were fucking to Somewhere Over the Rainbow... I need a new roommate.
Ya I fucked her.. But now Melissa is gonna find out
Just tell her that in a man's never ending war between his heart and his dick... His heart never wins
on the way to the hospital you kept asking if we could stop at the bar first. then you proceeded to puke out the window
What can I say, your life is charmed. I'm on the couch trying to decide whether or not to puke again.
He tricked me into going on a double date with him, I don't like that he's not using me for just sex anymore
Also, you tried to make me learn all of the presidents, in order, with a picture book as an aid. At 4 am. What the fuck?
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
Sorry I don't make house calls. You wanna get blown you come over here. It's like rock paper scissors but vagina ALWAYS beats penis
i got kicked out of McDonald's for demanding a margarita mcflurry
I keep worrying the police are going to come looking for us.
For which one? Starting a fire on my porch or having sex on my porch?
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
It's a draw. You need to settle it in Smash, Soul Calibur, and/or rock-paper-scissors, the last of which Steve claims is bullshit.
Randomize
