Well if yoir are still awake and secided to drink... You may aswell drink
That text needs to switch to water.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
She was crying and singing Taylor Swift on repeat. I'm never drinking with her again.
there is just no excuse for touching your mothers vagina.
This kind of poor decision making requires a real cup, not a mason jar.
THERE IS PRACTICALLY A BEER FUCKING WATERFALL
Any day that has a special name thats capitalized means you need to need to call in sick and get day drunk. That's why they are there.
Ya know what's been the best part of this College Football Season? Not having to hear Brent Musberger say the Honey Badger 77 fucking times.
well he somehow got his hand stuck in some bike spokes trying to reach for a blunt he dropped and that's NOT the reason he's in the hospital...?
Ugh he's so pretty though. He bit my face at the bar because I tried to steal his ID and I forgave him
I can't hookup with a guy in my car because it smells like Taco Bell..
Nothing says "i love you" more than flowers and potatoes
Nothing like a dick pic from your fave ex to make you audibly exhale sadly.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
Randomize
