bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
My roommate still talks on AIM. What is this middle school?
found a pic of my little bro & his girl naked. he got the brains and the huge junk gene. I hate him
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
I asked the subway guy how many cookies he thought I could smuggle into the bar. He said it looked like a 6 packer. he was correct
I found three vicadin and a pint of fireball with the note. In case of emergency drink me under their sink.
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
This day took a left turn at "This is your going away party, I got a bunch of blow."
Just saw a government minister puke and rally.
ill be home in an hour. Be in my bed ready for disappointment
Apparently mid making out I got up and said "I need to figure out my life" went in the bathroom and threw up for two hours.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
We were in the uber and you were crying because you wanted to be an Olympic gymnast. The driver tried to console you and you just cried harder
There's nothing like a guy talking about your vagina as if it's delicious food to make your day better.
I just found two ugly toothless rednecks fucking in the woods in my backyard. The man shouted at me close the door your letting the stank out which made no sense to me cuz we where outside. Whatever. just another Monday in the Northwoods.
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