If my boyfriend wants to eat his own jizz after masturbating, what does that make him?
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
I love you. And by the way. I found out a way for you to train your gag reflex. Elliot taught us in math.
The more my room-mate speaks, the more I notice that she was home schooled.
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
Get this. Chipped my front tooth taking a sip of a gay mans beer out of my cleavage. Fuck my fucking life. that'll be fun to explain to my dentist
She ended up puking in the bathroom. But she's a good drunk... i told her to stay in there so i could dance til the club closed. She was still in the stall an hour later.
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
I just power smoked 3 bongs, ate hot cocoa mix before making hot cocoa, and realized James Spader's character on The Office reminds me of your mom.
Accidentally donated half a joint to Kiwanis with the spare change from my car's ashtray. I hope those kids appreciate it.
we were having a conversation about big dicks and the chick at the table beside us turned to us said "me and my boyfriend just broke up a few days ago. Could you please NOT talk about big dicks"
I've given up on the male species, I'm just going to be a lonely whore for the rest of my life.
I put on a face mask and masturbated for an hour... my face now has a green tint
You know your life has gone off the rails when waking up in a Spanish hospital with alcohol poisoning and no memory of how you got there is not even your top wildest drinking story.
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