He about cried when I ordered pizza online. He said it was a miracle.
I forgot how hot balto sounded
I just had a cup of orange juice and thought it didnt taste right. It didnt have vodka in it.
I just couldn't help myself when there was a FOUNTAIN OF SHOTS
Well i'm not entirely sure considering he gave my vagina an early valentine's day card that said "you're purrfect."
Wasted on the beach. There's children everywhere. A six year old girl even stood over me with her hands on her waist looking down on me as I was passing out by the water
My mouth feels like I've been chewing on leather and firecrackers for the past 3 days
Traded my phone for pizza, then got it back this morning....successful night
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
the bride at the wedding we just crashed said we can stay only if we strip for her. You need to get down here
I had to sit there with his three fat aunts talking about a bunch of 50 Shades knockoff books.
I felt like a taxi, but my meter was running up minutes he would be eating me out that night.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
I'm getting "congrats on your engagement" shots. I need to get engaged more often!
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
How did i spend $200 last night?
Every time you went to get me a drink, you also came back with shots. Then you fell down the steps.
Randomize
