My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
Drunk wheelbarrow races might make the top 10 list of dumb shit weve done. Especially considering all the broken glass around...
I miss vodka workout Fridays
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
I think i can hear god laughing at me and yelling "thou shall pay for thy habits of underage drinking" through a megaphone directly at my eardrums
Please be advised that because of last year's "incident" we will no be starting St. Pat's day with spicy breakfast burritos and car bombs. Please plan accordingly.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
For months it was all good and well just having sex. Now, something in me has snapped and I'm dreaming of taking turtleneck Christmas pictures with him. Fuck you, we're going out tonight. I need this.
sea world and a strip club? BEST DAY EVER!
Just took a shower for the sole purpose of getting off without using my hands... I've reached a new level of summer-lazy.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I've decided that buying my first unused mattress has been my first major step into real adulthood.
I'm sorry I keep having sex wth your friends. I'm done, for real. Unless cole is interested. Other than that, I'm done.
Only thing I have going for me is jacking off, weed, and saturdays
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