Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
critical mistake not lubing the nipples
Pretty sure I blacked out the last 48 hours, the last thing I remember is the 4 pm bar crawl on Thurs
Can you believe they're going to let me be a doctor?
You were like pukeahontas last night, you tried to tell us you were okay, then you puked in the garden.
I just saw her take the entire bowl of lime wedges from the bar and pour them all in her purse, and now using the empty bowl as a hat. Waiting for security to come and throw her ass out.
that ring i bought was worth the 6 bucks. wore it to the bar, told some girl i was recently divorced and wasnt ready to take it off. just got laid. THRICE.
He got up when I started trying to balance my wine glass on his head.
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I'M NOT READY TO BE AB ADULT YET!!!
The old guy next door tried to get me to go to his apartment for shots formoonshine. =-0
If that weren't so sketchy I would encourage it
Yeah it was almost as sketchy as a white panel van pulling up offering candy
May the power of my ass compel you!!
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
he told me that he only likes small dogs. I should have known he was going to end up being little bitch.
Got myself invited to boss's family dinner party, drank too much, and fucked boss's brother in his parent's house. Just another Wednesday.
Snorted a dorito chip for 1$. Cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
