Its already bleeding so dont be alarmed after you bite it
went out last night and woke up on the bathroom floor again, thinking about just moving my bed in there.
Nothing like studying in the College of Communication to make you realize how smart you are.
We're going to play a drinking game. It's called "Senior Year of College."
She slept with 4 other guys since we went on a break. And her ex. But apparently she hasn't given any bjs out of respect for me. Why does that comfort me?!
i woke up hungover wearing my gym shorts and the condom from last night. Wine bar thursdays rule.
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
Look. If you get me out of this speeding ticket you can bang my sister. Or my mom. But not both.
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
When we left, you were on your third beer. When we came back to grab you, you had a pint glass half full of whiskey and had convinced the band to give you a microphone.
I truly wish I could say I pulled my groin straddling our cab driver but unfortunately I cannot
my favorite part of this morning was sitting at the gynecologist smelling like cigarettes and wearing yesterday's clothes.
You know that tattoo place next to Dallas? The naked sexy frog on my neck is proof that their "won't tattoo if drunk" sign is bullshit!
He made me cum 3 times, then immediately after sex packed a bowl and passed it to me. Yeah.. I'll keep him.
Randomize
