In hindsight, i should have predicted that a drink called the 'rocky mountain bear fucker' would not end in a pleasant experience
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
she said she'd get any tattoo I wanted ... so she's getting a large crossword puzzle as a tramp stamp. I'm the Einstein of doggy style
I knew we were gonna fuck after she told me she's seen that Porno before
we can't become the bulimic house in the complex dude. Besides, you need teeth for your career.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
I am undressing in in n out. They migit ca5l security. Are you provn d6 me?
OH MY GOD. SO PROUD.
Not sorry that my walk of shame this morning was barefoot on my scooter.
Matt just ate a burger out of the trash can in front of the McDonalds. We need to have a serious talk about his drinking.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
Dilemas of the modern woman: deciding whether or not to write on your ex's wall for his birthday. This is serious.
Moral of the story: always keep condoms in your bra
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize