You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
I was so drunk last night that I went into my 15 year old sisters room to have her peer edit the drunk texts I was sending to my ex.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
Is it bad that now when i read ingredients in the food I eat i only read it as shrooms instead of mushrooms ?
every time you want to hook up with a guy who has a girl friend, i'll just give you a freshman
hey quick question, what would you consider to be a "first date" porn?
I was the one passing out cake at the bars
Is it some european holiday today? We both woke up to find loaves of bread in our rooms...
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Oh boom. You're officially Dr Phil. I need to have sex that I actually remember participating in.
he cancelled our romantic dinner reservations so we could stay home and watch a Rocky movie marathon and order pizza. i know i should be upset but i think i'm kinda in love.
You're never gonna guess who's blood is on my shirt
Why do I feel like I really don't want to hear the end of this...
He dated a girl who could do the damn splits on his dick like how do you compete with that
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
Im gonna start dry humping the manequins and see if i get fired.
Randomize
