This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
She said her tits were too big, and he slapped her. He said that Jesus didn't appreciate bitches that fish for compliments
Update: I just puked into a sock. It was the only thing available at the time. Why I happened to be holding a sock, we may never know.
Do you recall us playing flip cup on your head?
Apparently you get kicked out of gay bars if they catch you putting the entire free condom bowl in your purse.
Of course it was necessary for me to call the strip club and ask what their shower policy is. Smelled like she was wiping her ass with my eyebrows during that dollar dance.
So it finally happened last night... I re-met someone that i've already had sex with. Had no idea who he was. Fantastic
All I remember is laying in that secret hideaway closet, naked, with a beer cowboy hat on and you walking in and sitting down crying because no one would have sex with you
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
Being a fine ass woman in a world full of fuckboys is the realest struggle I've ever known.
Woke up in a house I don't know, with someone else's pants on, and wolverine hair, to my girlfriend yelling on the phone about the 4 girls I made out with last
He's a waste of a perfectly good penis.
She ripped her shorts off and yelled "VAGINA TIME!"
I must be pretty memorable. I was walking past this dude and he goes "There's the Scotch Girl." I have ZERO clue who he is, but I'm definitely the Scotch Girl.
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