OMFG I JUST SAW SOMEONE GIVING SOMEONE ELSE ROAD HEAD AND THEY HIT A POTHOLE. my day has been officially made.
is the fantasy fufillment of sex in a hot tub worth the possible infection?
I think I just sold my virginity for plane tickets
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Oh you're gonna love this story. I almost cut off a little girl's pony tail.
This is the weirdest negotiation ever.
This is what happens when two people with zero shame try to argue.
ecstacy + fleshlight = not all that upset about being newly single anymore
Let's just say we ended up at Denny's with a strippers shoe that we had to discreetly leave at the door to the strip club this morning
Welp last night I made out with the guy who slices my deli meat at publix. I'm sure there's a joke there but I'm too hungover to find it. Go noles.
No. Every time we go there, you end up getting high, then lost, then going home with strangers.
The tamale guy is fucking with me, I wanna sleep in he wakes me up; early wake-n-bake and he's late and I'm hungry
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
PLEASE LET MY BIRD FUCK YOUR BIRD
I TAUGHT HER CAT TO SIT. CATS DON'T FUCKING SIT ON COMMAND. BUT THIS ONE DID!
It's basically my crowning achievement.
im just letting you know I walked in on you with four different guys last night. a. you were all naked. b. they're all roommates
Randomize
