im drinking this country out of the recession.
i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
Also, just saw a homeless man answer a phone call on a blackberry...
It just hit me that I woke up to you in a bear suit. Explain.
its my first week of college and i have a UTI
not easy being a whore now is it
After I threw him out he walked down the street peeing in stride. I almost wanted to let him back in.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
Everything in my purse is 100% saturated in red wine, which made it challenging to cover up my booze breath with franzia soaked gum
Cleaning naked can be dangerous. Vacuum cord got stuck on my belly button ring...
There has been a song made about you fucking his roommate.
It's destiny.
The dude is a cop how would I ever date a cop I wouldn't be able to talk about the first TWENTY-SEVEN years of my life!
This is not a drill. I need a cape. And a tuxedo. Simultaneously. Repeat. NOT. A. DRILL....
easy for you to say. you're not the one who has to explain why you woke up with a pineapple and a used condom.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
Randomize
