remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
Sometimes i look at the biltmore estate and wonder just how small George Vanderbilt's penis was...
driving around with you guys listening to the beach boys made me very concious of how white you all are.
haha the sad thing is i can't decide whats worse. the fact that you're drunk judging a science fair or the fact that i'm really proud of you for it.
Just come back with most of your limbs...and your dick. Please and thank you
I'm high and craving hash browns from McDonalds. Please pick me up. I also would like a hug and a supportive pat on the back when you get here. Thanks.
Its two in the afternoon. McDonalds don't sell hash browns at 2 in the afternoon. Whore. The hug I can provide however.
I got a second ticket last night for drunkly using my one call to order a pizza and get it delivered at the police station
I'm doing the Macarena naked in my living room right now
I see you're taking unemployment seriously.
He got weirdly turned on by the video of my cat licking nacho cheese off my finger.
P.S. If you wake up before noon it still counts as morning sex
he came to me for relationship advice and we ended up fucking in my backseat
You tried crawling through the apartment window instead of going through the wide open door next to it
We had sex with a sexual harassment video playing in the background before his gf got there. I've hit a new low
Stories. There's stories.
MEGHAN YOU'VE BEEN THERE FOR 20 MINUTES
Just don’t be like me and break up between Christmas and NYE and then get blackout on NYE and puke in your undies.
Randomize