Just saw the homeless asian lady making a hispanic man pull her shopping cart with a harness. I love Boston.
you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
i got iced as i was inside of her. i fucking hate my friends
do we own a ladder
We do not.
then how am i on the roof
I told my doctor about us having twin chlamydia
Just got 20% off at the liquor store. How you ask? I asked if there was an "I got divorced today" discount.
When I took off my jeans he became more excited about my Elmo underwear than sex but to be fair, who can blame him. They're awesome undies.
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
So that advice that humming stops you from puking? Yeah no, just puked through my nose.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I wore Yonce braids out last night and made out with a man and a woman #bowdown is right
yeah i wanted to show him what i was missing, so i decided to send him a seductive picture, like the ones where the girls are eating strawberries and whipped cream. well i didn't have those, so i sent him a picture of myself naked eating a bagel
Update on my sex life: my calves are sore from masturbating too much. It's a thing. Look it up.
Where are all your bongs? Your Dad wants to make sure they're put away before his family gets here.
Umm....in my room, on my closet, under the bed and behind my laptop.
Randomize
