no, no I am DEF NOT pregnant. typo. sorry, wanted to talk about us...
i just assumed he broke up with her because she wasn't a freshman anymore
I had sex with him, and then he gave me a $5 Starbucks gift card. Totally worth it
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
Just wanted to let you know that I always win at "whose ex is crazier" because of you.
Mass Text: Free blowjob to first person to bring me a nacho cheese chalupa.
this is really not the time to pretend we have morals
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
And then we were riding the keg in the pool like an 8 second rodeo...naked.
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
HEY. NO. THIS IS ABOUT YOU RIGHT NOW. YOUR COCK, MY MOUTH, THATS IT.
Too bad, iambic pentameter is a drunk specialty of mine.
It's decided. Tomorrow I'm getting a Big Mac and a Dildo
Dude, I'm pretty sure I just drank iced tea last night and yet I'm still hungover. What the fuck is my body anymore ?
Randomize
