I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
The ratio was 19 to 1 and the 1 was lauren so it didn't even count.
LMAO!!! just remembered you said this to me last night. "sometimes you post too many Jesus tweets. It's not that that's really bad... But I roll my eyes and you should know that."
I was drunk but it's true
just friend requested my arresting officer from last night. too soon??
i woke up in the lobby of Holiday Inn on a chair sitting up straight
i cant talk right now. we are trying to finish our homework so we can play with play-doh
Funny how often beer equates to second degree burns on some portion of my body.
I was fingering her, she was moaning, and we were singing Mulan
Who knew that one of those cheesy light up equalizer shirts would be the light that all those drunk college girls gathered like moths around?
Crazy how fast a room full of drunk teenagers sober up when someone breaks his parents' new flat screen
I hate when you actually try to sing and people think you're joking so you just go with it, but on the inside you're crying.
I'm drunk filing my taxes in a bar on a Monday afternoon in a Regular Show onesie. I think I'm starting to get the hang of this whole adult thing.
I have loved her ever since she went down on my first wife
He was basically a horny puppy - following me around all night and kept sticking his hand down my pants.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
Randomize
