I set the bag of cheetos on the open box on my coffee table while I was watching TV. I was so high I ate half of the styrofoam peanuts in the box by accident. Am I going to die?
I hope so
Oh yes. The girl who wanted me to watch her pee.
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
Just keep in mind that she didn't start telling you you had the largest penis she had ever seen until AFTER she found out about your multi-million-dollar trust fund.
Honestly and this might sound scary... But I want to get high and play with weapons
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
did the thing where I quickly swipe right to every girl on Tinder & matched with my sis. God I hope swiping carelessly is hereditary
sorry for running off in the middle of that heart to heart. free food.
How is it that I know 4 different bartenders who won't charge me for drinks, but I can't get laid?
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
