can a staight man not wear seersucker in this town?
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
call of duty 2 was the straight man's twilight
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
You were on the drunk bus swinging around on the pole when you decided you were hungry, so you pulled half a bagel out of your pants and ate it. Everyone stared at you, dumbfounded as to where it came from, and cheered
You aren't going to like my movie choice because it's a Disney movie, but I am cordially inviting you to the couch for blowjobs.
You were naked too, so it cancels out. We're straight.
25 likes of a picture on Instagram of my butthole. beat that.
Don't blame me. My vagina leads me astray.
Know we haven't talked but having an orgy party on the 20th if you're interested. If not, disregard this text.
Who is this?
My vagina is no longer accepting new clients.
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
Theres a woman here with grey hair that im pretty sure i would have sex with
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