Just realized our kids will one day call us old because we were around when texting came about. I'm sad.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
you didnt remember my name all night. you kept referring to me as "the blonde with the fat ass"
He just kept muttering to himself "stabby stabby stabby stabby" while we were boning. I will never be boning him again.
I sent out a mass text that said "margaritas for Jesus?" and nobody responded, worst Easter ever.
I don't want to eat him, he probably tastes terrible.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
She called to say she's single and blow job season is back.
Unless you have figured out how to blow me through the phone don't drunk dial me.
I gasped. Both pairs of lips did.
I'm pretty sure the guy in front of me at Walmart doesn't have good plans. It's one am he is buying a flash light and black bandanna
Dude I swear I'm scooping human shit out of the litter boxes. What the fuck happened last night?
I have nice boobs. Don't wanna deprive anyone of the experience.
You're a saint.
Yeah. We had phone sex then cried together, it was beautiful and heartbreaking
I had to pee so bad that I snuck into the bathroom while they were in the shower. At her request, he was massaging her boobs so they could grow faster. Also there was a laser light machine.
Randomize
