this guy just used the pickup line "God must have spent a little more time on you" I recognized the nsync lyric immediately.
And this is weird.. I feel slightly less depressed after shitting myself.
Woaahhhh there! We are JUST drunk fucking. Don't call me "baby".
I was pissed last night bc this girl didn't want to have sex but offered to reimburse me for the condoms. That just made me upset
Little boy scout stared at me with judgmental looks while I bought 3 bottles of liquor but refused to buy popcorn from him
Its not low standards. We're more of like a self esteem camp for average girls
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
we left when one of the guys tried to stick himself with an IV that he found
Do you know how to get blood out of tile grout?
If you need to be the damsel in drunken distress make sure it's before 3.
Of all the things I've masturbated to while high, my favorites are ritz chips and trees
I'm not over that dildo rifle story. I don't think I ever will be.
New rule: if someone asks if you would like to snort a xanax the answer is no.
I just woke up to my family in the living room watching our security camera tape of me last night talking to a stop sign in our backyard... How the fuck did I get that in the yard?
Did you happen to find the other half of my bra last night?
Randomize
