Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
I wonder what it would be like to be a slice of cheese.
cutting back on calories before spring break by only taking shots instead of drinking actual drinks.
the diet of an alcoholic...
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
Already puke and ralleyd and dressed like a bear.
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
So im on with some ukrainian stripper for a vodka tasting tomorrow. If I die tell my family im awesome
He's like a perfect storm of amazing hair and horrible judgment.
my post shower fart this morning sounded like hulk ripping through a phonebook
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
Hes wearing a shirt that says warning shitshow and i cant help but think his attorney made him wear it so ppl know the dangers.
Whatever happend to that lawsuit where he got sued for shittig in that fish tank
i chased my gummy vitamins with cold bacon, never say I don't take care of myself
i said cake fell into my bra, you stood up and yelled "Im coming soldier", leaped acrossed the couch and started motorboating my boobs. i would have been cool with it if your mom didnt keep calling me the "lesbiainizer"
I woke up at her place in a kids bed hearing Sesame Street. She doesn't have kids!
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