Pat told us he showed us his penis because he's "a nice guy".
My roommate just did the walk of shame in last nights corset back to our room to find her dad there. THATS why i go to school out of state.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
trying to imitate man vs food after 12 shots doesnt mean youll get laid
I'm pretty sure I just woke up to one of the airport janitors saying that she wanted to tie me up and do something.. I couldn't hear what, thank god
I brought him to this party even though we're not together anymore because we made a bet on who would have sex first, and it is a sausage fest up in here.
Morning yack off the fire escape. Girl walking by was mortified. Gooooooooo Ducks!!
I want to be you.
At what point in my life did a night that has strippers, belly dancers, tequila and a midget become "average"?
Can I tell him I got herpes from your bong instead of from that guy who claimed to be an olympic diver?
i don't know what part of 'duct tape bikini waxes' seemed even a little okay in our drunk minds, but i'm never drinking with your sister again
I'm gonna call it the Reunion Tour. Hooked up with two different ex girlfriends in one day...
DRAW HIM A PICTURE OF SOME FUCING AWESOME THING. LIKE A UNICORN OR SOME SHIT. FANTASTIC.
Just cried watching Wimbledon, worst comedown ever.
Just realized that I bailed on you guys yesterday just so I could get wendy's. it was worth it but still, sorry
Do you ever just want to be mashed potatoes?
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