I convinced her last night that my actual nickname was "No Condom John"
Yeah, you spent an hour in front of the mirror trying to reenact the Sailor Moon theme song.
I'm surrounded by too many unhungover people.
I drunk wandered into my parents bed and slept between them
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
Come over. Drunk tacos.
That isn't even a sentence.
I kept the important parts.
the repo guy said it was the first time he'd ever started to repo a car with someone fucking inside of it. he might have said 'doing it' instead.
Its like a match made in avoid-eachother-because-we're-antisocial-and-awkward heaven
I just sent an "I'm sorry I forged a prescription in your name" email. It was one of the more awkward things I've done this week.
I swear to god if you eat that last piece of pie while I'm gone I will never speak to you again. I'm so serious.
do you know of a way I can die but like NOT die? like not being unconcious, just ascending to an astral plane for a few weeks or months in real world time so i can sort my issues out away from the rigors of life kinda deal, you know?
Babe, I'm gunna be straight with you. When you act like a dick it makes me regret not fucking my manager last week.
And by "sexually intimate," you mean fuck buddies?
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