I just had to pull over at a starbucks to throw up in the bathroom. They really should not have let me be a lawyer.
I think we should urban dictionary "drive of shame." It involves a sprint to your car in his underwear and shirt, surreptitiously trying to put on your bra on at stoplights without attracting attention from neighboring cars, and lurking in your car a block from home so you can know when your roommate leaves for work.
yeah...it smells like an asshole would smell if someone ate sewage.
There's a girl in here wearing a kaballah bracelet and a miley Cyrus tshirt. consider her judged.
I was just stopped at a stop sign waiting for the moon to turn green.
Just grabbing my bra from a history teacher's desk in the Humanities building. Maybe I should stop drinking on weeknights
At this point the smell of shame has become my natural musk
i got her number while she was sitting next to her boyfriend. her actual number. i might be a superhero
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
It's simple. He fucks me at his place and I fuck him at my place. It's like man of the house gets to top.
Denim handjobs are the worst handjobs. I hate all handjobs. Why do people even.
You dove at him but passed out mid dive. Shame it wasnt a costume party your superman suit wouldve been clutch in the situation
He fucked me on the hood of my car outside his work, and now I'm paranoid that the doggie day care next door might have security cameras.
So anyway, I'm just floating along life with my vibrator and low expectations.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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