dude you made out with his girlfriend and stole his credit card to buy more drinks
well when you put it that way, I sound like a terrible person
my tits taste like a pina colada. how often do you get to say that?
She gives me Chlamydia and somehow I'm still the asshole
I maybe just had sex outside in broad daylight. At a state park. Please be proud.
yeah, she started doing yoga and cocaine....looks good on her.
How do the freshmen here NOT understand the tricks we are playing on them by now? Doesn't bode well for grad numbers. Idiots.
I definitely made out with a high school student last night while his sister and my brother were in the same room. I think we're all traumatized by the situation.
He is like a dragon that makes me want to spread my butt cheeks, so he can fill me with hot fire.
You got called a pussy at a party with a slow cooker, you can't let that shit slide
I never woulda thought that back in kindergarten playong kickball that'd i'd be 24 getting plastered in front of the white house and winning a kickball championship in a young adult drinking league
he didn't stitch me up last time. in fact, he yelled at me for bleeding.
She said it was unconventional for me to yell "Shazam!!" when I came inside her.
I'm eating year old chocolate from the trash can. It was in a ziploc bag but still, this is a new low. Help me.
I'm sitting naked on my bathroom floor and it remind me of us.
That's my way of saying I miss you
Don't worry about me. I am infinite.
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