I just googled "whats above a trillion", thats how busy I am at work.
After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Just left some random in my bed to go get mcdonalds breakfast. I'd say my priorities are on point.
The state of Wisconsin is just irresponsible for letting me buy this many fireworks
I brought some guy back to have cheese whiz with me. Then sent him home
Was he satisfied?
No, and very vocal about it.
I may or may not have just ruined a marriage. But in my defense I got all my drinks for free tonight.
he has this weird thing where he watches me pee
The feeling I get when I hear beer bottles clinking must be what children feel when they hear sleigh bells on Christmas Eve
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
How do I say "I still wanna hook up w you but I don't wanna see your penis via text ever again" through a snapchat
He's talking about me being Slave Princess Leia and how he'll chain me up. I don't have the heart to point out that he would be Jabba in that scenario...Is it bad that his lack of SW knowledge is destroying my lady boner?
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Why would you waste your Ritalin on your children?
He’s definitely circumcised. There’s not enough room in those speedos for a foreskin with that fire hose he’s packing.
Randomize
