Call me "white mamba"
Your dick is not a dangerous deadly poisonous snake
It is white.
Stop everything. They have oreo straws to drink milk with and then you eat the straw. I think i just got turned on by a cookie commercial.
I woke up to a text that said "You're a fucking asshole" Why is she so pissed at me?
Im guessing it has something to do with running up to her boyfriend screaming "THIS IS SPARTA" and kicking him in the balls.
Is that considered a cock block?
Just saw some girl biking on campus with a babyseat on the front. Baby included. Do you know how many points that'd be worth?
you tried to pee on a squirrel and everyone saw. you've got some serious untagging to do
Correct me if I'm wrong but the photo album titles "cause I've been drankin" and "baby jessica" should not belong to the same person.
I took in his dog. My exboyfriend still calls me for 2 things, blow jobs and animal rescue. I need to end this cycle
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
My boss just high fived me after finding out i made it through lunch rush rolling on molly. To think this guy used to terify me.
Today I'm playing this game called how physically long can I Lay in this one spot before moving, do you have an estimated time of departure?
Just traded a sandwich for anxiety drugs outside the club. I fuckin' LOVE this place.
i'm not sure what happened last night.. i do remember the police calling me to find out where i was because apparently at some point i went missing? don't worry though. they found me
The bachelor party was supposed to stay local but I think were in mexico.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Someone explain to me why I woke up to find a stolen shopping cart in my room...
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