2:45a: Any chance you got 3000 bucks on you?
it's like sucking your thumb. only its not yours. and its a penis.
What do you think that old couple was thinking when they saw me puking in the QT parking lot at ten in the morning?
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
let me put it this way. im never saying "join in or get out" again unless i know whos in the room.
i'm way too high for it to be safe that i just discovered i have a fire extinguisher
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I maybe late, he's in a peeing contest with the neighbor's dog. Currently he's in the lead.
Drunk me forgot I'm not an 18yr old raver anymore. Adult me is now in pain.
Remember that picture you sent me of you trying to eat the flower arrangement in the bathroom at that restaurant?
we were looking for paper towels to wrap his hand and i yanked a drawer out of the cabinet, it was fun so we just kept doing it. things escalated and long story short, he isn't gettin his security deposit back
By this time next year I expect us to have full time jobs that we can call out of so we can day drink on beautiful days like this. Oh, and grill.
Yes. Ice cream tacos are an important aspect in the bridge of friendship
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
i just woke up in my dog's bed, on my parents floor, my outfit on backwards, and a bottle of lube poured down my pocket.
Randomize
