ok so the lil girl sitting behind u was picking the hairs off ur sisters back and putting them in her mouth
i dont know why he would complain when i touch him there.
you know that annoying kid in my psych class? accidentally hit him in the face with a door today. perfect end to the semester.
I HAVE MY OWN TITS FOR THAT AND I CAN GUARANTEE THAT THEYRE MORE GLORIOUS
I dont even remember coming home... All my stuff is strewn randomly around my apartment... And I woke up at 5 sitting propped up in my bed with just my arm in a shirt
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
Remember when we saw my neighbor taking dick pics of himself? He's back at it!
Need you on the dancefloor. Hungry and lonely.
He just sent me a picture of himself naked while cooking pancakes and he made the caption "bitchin' in the kitchen"
And, through a series of unfortunate events, I am at my grandmothers birthday party in a short dress and no underwear
Dude, you spit in your shirt pocket saying "I'm saving it for later" then dove head first into the pyramid of beer cans we set up.
Your life has no conflict it's just a blur of sex and Netflix
I feel like it should at least be like a "hey look I'm actually fine that I drunkenly gave you my virginity!" friend request.
This whole brainwashing thing is easy!
He agreed to matching Christmas pajamas today, no guy does that for a girl he’s not seriously considering marrying.
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