how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
i woke up to the sound of my dad getting blown. this is my life
Get out here. Doing shots with the delivery guy. Also, the food is here
At this point, I really just need a sign in sheet for my vagina.
I really appreciate you zipping up my pants at the bar. You didn't even ruin my Bermuda triangle.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Found your counterpart from cali. Walked into the bar we were in with milk and a donut, ordered a beer and said anything his group wanted was on his tab....dangerous
Happy Birthday. May your liver respect you, fat bitches neglect you, hangovers reject you, and AA accept you.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
He said I taste like cake. Like funfetti. So I feel like if he doesn't come back for that he's just dumb
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
He updated Facebook... "Got a new phone today." WHAT ABOUT THE FUCKING KID YOU HAD?!
I woke up under a house in Key West
not even sure this counts as hungover but like my body can't exist in reality today
Randomize
