I just told my parents that Capt'n Crunch does weird things to my mouth... my dad just stared at me
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
I think my penis ruined a perfectly good friendship.
Also I smoked away my sore throat last night. It's a 420 miracle.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
this lesbian fantasy crush is getting WAY out of hand. just spent an entire meeting staring at her long fingers thinking, "oh those could be fun"
I have bruises everywhere. I think I took "the drinks are strong" as more of a challenge than a warning.
Hahaahaah I keep finding little notes you left me on my physics notes... "TOO HIGH FOR BIRDS"
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
I've decided to become a librarian so I can drunkenly quote The Mummy and have it be legit.
Do you feel better now that you've sent me a picture of your dick?
Yep.
Yeah I passed out. The last thing I remember is the lady telling me I couldn't play the clarinet with my nose.
You started singing Baby Shark, screamed you have no idea how it goes, then somehow turned the beat into Bohemian Rhapsody
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