My birth control alarm just woke me up from my dream where I was pregnant. Thank god.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I took it to a new level. I'm procrastinating taking my adderall. Hate finals week.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I woke up naked dangling by my feet from the balcony over his foyer. He's officially my new favorite booty call.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
Look if you're not going to be mine and take care of my needs, I'm going to fuck your sisters.
Wow. I grabbed the wrong container to rinse my contacts- it was a beer. And it comes out waaaay faster than saline.
My public calorie counter app is pretty much just a cry for help.
It's like rock paper scissors. Cold showers and smoking beat hangovers.
He's doing his thing where I don't know if he's alive until three in the afternoon so idk
What's the procedure for answering a booty call from someone under house arrest?
Sorry I twat blocked you earlier I didn't know Sam was over. But, my house my rules, I don't have to knock before I enter. I did see naked butts and smelt "Sex Stank" in the air, we're going to have to set some ground rules when I get home. Hugs and kisses..Mom
I feel like i'm being yelled at when you type in all caps.Did you just have bad sex?
His penis is average but his stamina is amazing!!! I didn’t know I had that many orgasms in my body!!!!
Randomize
