My ferret is drunk. Someone told me you'd know what to do?
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
i figure now that we're number one party school im obligated to black out at least 4 days a week. andddd go.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
What are you wearing tonight?
The colors of the winddddddd
I accidentally lit my hair on fire and we broke the bed. How was your night?
He ate me out in the forest at that park we used to hit my bong in highschool again, somehow this isn't what I pictured being 25 would be like
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
We went to Olive Garden so high we didn't talk and managed to be awkward enough for the waiter to ask if it was our first date
I don't know if you've ever seen a group of 20 year olds reenact a rectal prolapse, but 'majestic' isn't really the word I'd use...
You just get me
I'm the wind beneath your wings, bitch
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize