Hey I don't know if you will get this but all I know is you are so beautiful to .ee and? I dare anyone to stop me me from caring for you ante so beautiful so I kid you not gorgeous iyoiu are so beautiful to me i dare som.eone too stioo you
I'm sitting next to this guy at the bar. I wrote him a little song in my head it goes "there is no fucking chance you're getting in my pants" gonna sing it to him after he buys me another drink.
i'm watching a show about a girl who died from masterbating with a carrot. A FUCKING CARROT, EMILY! YOU NEED TO BE CAREFUL!
i don't think you understand, blowjobs are like flowers for guys.
Why do I feel like that's not the first time you've drank champagne with someone dressed as a unicorn?
I'm taking it from the chunk of pizza I just pulled out my hair that we ate pizza last night?
i just feel like the statute of limitations for admitting i plowed through her car last night was up a couple hours ago
So in Aca Taco on grad night 1am, this bitch walks in alone drunk as fuck in her gown to the front of the line and says, "I graduated today...thank YOU"
Who the fuck did i sell my right shoe to last night i need to get that back im not walking with one shoe on
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
i woke up to you and that girl going out onto the balcony naked
oh sorry man.. we went outside because we DIDN'T want to wake you
"There should be some kind of award for sleeping with your ex 9 times in 3 days."
I don't know if I'm more excited about getting chipotle or about getting laid
I'm just really glad SD weather is so erratic so I can get away with wearing a scarf in May to cover up these hickeys.
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