i just woke up in the hallway. not my hallway. i officially raise my hand to be DD next week.
She was so bad on top that i found myself watching a TV that wasn't even turned on
We have to use a contraceptive. God help the world if another one of us comes into fruition.
Look. You've gotta stop making this about you, and make it about my vagina.
the good news is that i vommed the last of my humanity last night.
welcome to the club.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
Is it socially acceptable to be blind drunk at half five on a Monday afternoon?
Which pub are you in?
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
So what are you going to be for halloween?
A woman sitting on her couch watching Hocus Pocus.
Imagine the quality of nudes you could send with a selfie stick
I just wanted to tell you that the German word for "dickhead" can also be translated as "ass violin" and I think that's beautiful.
So now I know what having sex while surrounded by chickens feels like.
Got baked and laid and ate baked lays when I laid down while baking the brownies I I’m Superman
You’re still high, aren’t you?
Oh yeah
I’ve chosen to watch a Mercedes station wagon drive around the Austrian in the rain because it’s live sports. If that doesn’t explain 2020, I don’t know what does.
I apparently sent an offer letter to, and then subsequently onboarded, the wrong candidate. How's your Monday?
Randomize
