My room smells like vodka and shame
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
just bought a $25 eighth from a chick who has a kid. i'm helping my community out right?
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
oh great, iTunes now thinks im gay.
youre just mad i got the high score on the breathalyzer
They both just did a shot, head butted each other, did another shot and then slapped each other in the face. These could be the two guys we've been looking for all our lives
Your doorknob is in my back seat, in case you were looking for it.
think of it as grooming, as if he is my Kate Middleton and I'm grooming him to be a presentable princess
WHY IS HE GONE WHEN I ACTUALLY HAVE THE AMOUT OF ESTROGEN TO HUMP A SQUIRREL?!?!
Halloween is the end of the singles holidays they don't start again until st. Patrick's day we better get wifed up or it's going to be a long winter lol
Welcome to the club of "Sick of cleaning up actual shit." We meet on the 3rd Sunday of each month. Bring your ceremonial viking helmet.
I'll be coming off of 7 days of not drinking. No horse tranqs either. I haven't been this sober since I was in the womb
Randomize
