some dude just recognized me causeg he had a pic of us making out onvhis phone
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
in the event i get tipsy, my nipples are your responsibility
Just stuffed an entire cupcake in my mouth after finishing third glass of wine. Valentines day is pretty much going how i expected it.
Do you remember Kelly my alter personality? She talked like a man and would sing amazing grace?
Just peed in a urinal with another girl. It's that kind of night.
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
If my bootycall doesn't bring over a Baconnator, I swear to fucking God, I'm not letting him in. The hunger is that real. Forget his Persian dick.
Uhmm, it's called hentai.
I DON'T CARE WHAT IT'S CALLED I DON'T WANT TO SEE IT ON MY WORK COMPUTER
handcuff keys just fell out of my bra....wtf happened last night?
Today's forecast: 90% chance of bad decisions, good stories, solid new dick and artichoke pizza
Have u seen my vagina and my gorilla costume? Im in need of it.
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Imagine we only get one cock for the rest of your life. I’d pick his dick. That good!
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