I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
I'm pretty sure there was a language barrier but he knew what "harder" meant.
I will miss his soup and his dick the most
I just don't know what he sees in my vagina...and that scares me.
You came in as I got off work, ordered us jack and cokes. Put them on my tab, and then proceeded to fall asleep on the bar.
All i know is we had 4 people on a tandum bike, and told the cops we couldnt stop because our momentum was so good.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
I threw a hotdog at the security guard and called the bartender "goodlooking for a 35 year old who was rode hard and put away wet"... I would have kicked me out too
A milkman. But instead of milk I'm delivering marijuana. And instead of a milk truck it's an armored car.
You're a weed delivery man, in an armored car?
You're the second person to offer to fuck me in the bathroom at work. Idk whether I should feel honored, or if cvs is just a turn on.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
cinco de mayo stole my toenail
cinco de mayo stole my virginity.
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
The last time we went to a costume party, you walked around in a loincloth with a cross and said you were Jesus. I'm eager to see how much more offensive you can be.
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