If it were my dying wish, would you come over 2nite 2 save me?:):):) wana come anyways?
Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I keep trying to sit and the chair keeps running away from me
Just wrote a paper about alcohol abuse that sounded like my weekend...
The hardest part of getting a new computer is deliberating whether to start the cycle of porn and viruses all over again.
I just want one of her status not to be about Jesus.
I can't wait to find out the true size of his penis! Please maintain enough sobriety for an accurate report.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
So I just stirred my shower drink with my razor.
I'm not going to ask which end you used.
At least your road beer policy is responsible. Well, relatively speaking.
You said "I'm not gonna waste my last condom on you" last night.
i'm eating chex mix in the shower while texting. i feel accomplished.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
His sex game is strong it’s like a warlord’s dick! you know what I mean?
Nope
Randomize
