1. Mark my dj buddy and I spent $1000 on bottles last night
2. We were casually offered narcotics while walking down the street
3. I will still be awake when you start school tmw, cause there's no last call
So if any tells you miami is the same as the rest of america, there are just lying to you
Well, I fucked her. But the sex wasn't all that great. Morning sex never is
Now there's vomit covered trash all over the front lawn. I feel accomplished
And we hooked up in the carwash. I told you our creative juices were flowing today.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
Either allow it in a formal toast or i will drunkenly tell your in-laws while i'm dancing on their table. either way, the truth is coming out
My mom is helping me re-arrange my room to make New Year's more hook-up friendly
Make sure to show her the sewer we were arrested in on your tour.
Am I really that high, or did I just spray febreeze outside ?
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
New discovery: your vibrator works on my balls. Technology is wonderful I love the future
I bought a box of wine on my way home. I figured if I’m going to be broke during the holidays, I might as well be able to drink about it.
Also either i just launched into space as a rocket or my legs just orgasmed, but i am high as a soul train
I'm not sure what happened. There's a frozen waffle in the floor and he's walking around with a curtain rod and making planes out of bread slices...
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