Someone carved 'Hank' in all caps in the snow outside my apartment building so naturally I turned the capital H into a K and added an S to the front.
I think college has really matured you.
I hate it when she philosophizes drunkenly on my kitchen counter. not even sober do i understand latin.
Through drunken recall, I have managed to bring back awful memories of losing my virginity. And possibly traumatized my niece trying to get her to "learn from my mistakes".
Your penis has nothing to do with my throat infection, sorry...
No I'm done finals, but I'm not coming home until these hickeys are gone.
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
She was moaning so loud as i walked out of the room her roommates gave me a standing ovation... i think they are next
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I mentioned your name at this party and some girl started crying.
Just bought a colored water bottle so my classmates can be so judgemental when I bring beer to class.
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I love everything about him! His penis, his hair, his tattoos, his penis, his cat, his penis.
Ahh yes. I lost my pants and swimming suit and phone charger. And I've found out who has them all even while hungover. Successful day. Nice party too.
It finally happened. Some guy just tried to catfish me with my own dick pic. Of course I told him that it was the hottest dick I'd ever seen and that I would do anything for that particular dick.
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