I just farted at work and tried to cover up the noise by shuffling papers around
yeah. and then it was like the room of requirement. the elevator just opened for our threesome.
omg. why did you never tell me how amazing shitting and smoking is?
i thought this knowledge was automatically promulgated at the age of eighteen?
he looks like a really good dad on facebook
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
at john mayer concert. alone. to many highschool kids. i feel like a drunk chaperone with a pomegranite martini mustache
Fuck it dude, we gotta bounce before she starts talking about her steve irwin conspiracy
Yes theres a double standard. Get over it. Fuck the critics and go be the slut you were born to be
Just remembered I hit myself in the face with a bottle then did the nose test and decided I was still good. Don't think anyone noticed.
what's the least obnoxious place that i could barf on the bus?
Senior week was like trying to herd cats. Very drunk cats.
Well she made a 15 year old cry, the grandmother did an ice luge and I woke up to the sound of sex moans
Like who needs a job and family when you can get drunk for free with strippers?
Please don't try and hook up with one of your high school teacher's friends
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
Randomize
