That blackeyed peas song was on, so I thought that was prediciting tonight was going to be a good night. And then my garage door opner fell and hit me in the head.
I literally just copy and pasted that from another bbm convo bc I'm far too stoned to explain that again.
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
no. the fact that it's halloween completely overrides the fact that it's sunday. youre going out whether im dragging your boring ass or not.
She says I'm cute and I remind her of her brother. She's too hot to back out now. I don't know. I'm guna go for it.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
I don't think you understand. Its the best fauxhawk you've ever seen. I look like a gay dinosaur.
That's the most beautiful thing I've ever heard. Can I call you littlefoot?
Two people confessed their love to me last night. Drunk is a good color on me
I knew it was going to be good when he took off my bra and I only realized 5 minutes later
I know it's anime porn but I promise you the guy looks like Fred Durst
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
If she didn't block me, she would have known that I sneezed on her toothbrush.
Also Fuck you Stephen King and Fuck the horse you rode in on, making me cry In front of my coworkers.
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
This Asian instant coffee I found in ur kitchen is like crack. Who knew I could feel my heart beating in my asshole after one cup of this happiness.
I should have known it wouldn’t work. Someone saved in her phone as “Subway Sex” called the week before the wedding
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