sometimes i shoot so far i amaze even myself.
if my spotter knew I was listening to the Wicked soundtrack on my iPod, I wouldn't even be mad if he dropped the barbell on my throat
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
On the bright side, at least we arent the generation raised by fucked up teen moms.
I'm still trying to figure out how you came back with chinese food, and a spoon covered in icing saying 'cake..'
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
And then he told me he just wanted me to hold his cock while we watched tv...
FONT CPME TO THE TRUK. I REPATE SONT COME TO THE TRUCK WERE GETTON FRAEKY
Cory and I accidentally had a sexual adventure last night.
How do you ACCIDENTALLY have a sexual adventure?
Thank god for federal credentials. Waaaaayyyy to hungover to go through airport security lines right now.
Everytime I try to keep track of the amount of people I slept with I always forget about that guy I met on the dc metro, where I woke up to him organizing his Special K and Molly and I was covered in sleeping cats.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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