So I have to ask... did I meet your lumberjack expectations? I mean, minus the red flannel and all.
I want a gay best friend. or apple sauce either one is fine with me
Is sexting at a funeral morally wrong?
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
There is a different car in my driveway. Have no clue how I got home.
At the airport and im So hungover. Think anyone will help if I put a note on me reading "flying to Boston, please wake me as we board" and then passing back out?
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Just croosed over that too drunk for chemistry class line
I should have taken pre-gaming this lunch date more seriously.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
I'm drunk off vodka and I haven't eaten today. I've never felt more like Kirsten Cohen in my life.
I thought my ass was sore from the gym then I realized it was from being spanked. Confusing time in my life.
I promise that I won't shotgun beers with your boyfriend this time, Scouts Honor.
We will let tequila do the talkin this weekend
dude I fucking saw you snort tequila
Randomize
