im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
There are only two things that should be in vaginas... penises and vegetables
I'm afraid my bank account can't handle syllabus week.
and ill be dreaming of you. not in a creepy way, but in an inappropriate way
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
Best part of having a window in your office is that you can leave through it when you shit your pants at work.
50% drunk capacity currently
Body shots with my MILFs MILF!!
All I did was send my mom an ecard
And after peeing my pants waiting outside for him, i proceeded to drop down and roll in the nearest puddle to pretend like i just ate shit when he arrived
Go to hungover. Go directly to hungover. Do not pass go. Do not collect 200 dollars
What was my myspace song when I went away to rehab?
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
This is like the first time all week I've properly taken my birth control. My ovaries are so stoked I just know it.
I'm like, not good at living.
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
Randomize
