guy in front of me on the bus did 12 yrs, hes teling me about how to knife fight
If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
I can hear my fat mexican neighbor yelling "do you like that!" ...I hope its not his dog
There comes a time in every girls life when she must use her boobs for good instead of evil.
Your pregnant arnt you
I would think I was a stalker too if I wasn't myself
he needs to stop knowing everyone on campus...it's making cheating on him really difficult.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
I could fuck to npr.
Consider yourself lucky. If I ever run into my ex, all I'll be able to think is, "I let you pee on me and lead me around on a leash."
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
I WILL go to space. And if we find aliens I WILL fuck one. It’s the Marine Corps way
Randomize