She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
she said i was amazing, then i left to room to take the rubber off and came back to find her masturbating with my xbox controller while niko got a call from roman.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
You blacked out and walked in on my neighbor breast feeding at 3am yelling "where is my best friend". I think we should go apologize.
He Facebook stalked his way right into my pants.
My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now
I feel like, for the first time today, we had a healthy yolo.
Hooked up with a guy solely because he had a chameleon. Priorities.
I used my tears to chase my tequila. You could say I rallied.
There was just a girl standing next to me on the train, wasted, wearing only one shoe. I so wanted to pat her on the shoulder and say "oh honey, we've all been there"
Hold on - sidebar. My best friend just threw a 40 pack of condoms through my window.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
So, what my linguistics project should really be called is "I happen to sleep/makeout with a lot of bilinguals and am now using them to help me graduate"
he came with me to get plan b but they didn't have any. when I started crying he said "come on it's not that bad.. ill go get sandwiches from the vending machine and we'll have our first meal together as a family"
My New Year's resolution consists of less weekday hangovers, more sex, and more money.
Randomize
