he refuses to go down on me anymore when he's high because he thinks my clit piercing stares at him
I'm pretty sure I'm almost gay. Like, I'd do it if I had no choice. Like, if i were in prison I'd try it.
We must be getting old. All of our friends are having kids and they aren't illegitimate.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
If I had KNOWN you and mom were coming to visit, I wouldn't have passed out in the frat. This is why I hate surprises.
she got to the point every few minutes she checked to see if her boobs were still there.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
I think my boss gives me work off weekends because he doesn't want me showing up hungover anymore..
I just got three pairs of underwear free and a bathing suit for $20 by modeling them and letting the salesman grope me a bit.
It's great being a young gay man in Chicago!
My walk of shame wasn't complete until I projectile vomited clutching my truck bumper while he just smiled with that look of regret.
Then we woke up and they shouted "Emergency Vodka!!" and that's how we got redrunk.
#tbt to when you let me put plastic wrap on your balls and hum a little song
Yo i still have 5 hrs left of work. I should not be this drunk
My professor congratulated me on turning my assignment in early. I didn't have the heart to tell him I only passed it in early cause my sex plans got canceled for the night.
i just used your hair clip to unclog my bong. i miss you so much!
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