I saw a penis in my cereal this morning. do you think my cheerios are like professor trelawney's tea leaves?
one can only hope.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
If a man's penis is referred to as "the family jewels" does that make a woman's vagina a jewelry box?
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
How can I look at her with a straight face when she has dry puke on her eye lid
I have to be home in time to watch my friend on that Lifetime show about having babies. And by friend, I mean the girl I had a lesbian experience with at a party 3 years ago.
Wait so they unscrewed the bathroom door to find you naked?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
All I could think when I saw it was, "All right, Vagina, only one of us is getting out of this alive."
Nothing is creepier than a guy telling you "I was just thinking about you" in a men's bathroom when taking a shit
I'm putting you on my Emergency card so i can spend the last ounce of strength in my hospital bed to flip you off.
I was stopped at a light on my way home and a priest threw holy water on my car. Seems fitting after last night.
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
He's not very smart so he didn't know I was yelling at him with monologues from Scandal.
my life is like one bad, slutty lifetime movie.
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