Where is the hickey?
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
Either I'm drunk or judge Judy has 3D commercials...so I think I'm drunk. Also I may or may not haven eaten a hoagie on the toilet when I didn't want to stand up
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
I learn from experience and I experienced what it would be like to completely lose my mind and then wake up with a stab wound.
She was giving me head while we were in my tree house, my mom then came out to let the dog out so she stopped so I would stop groaning, was it good? You tell me
im in the post action - pre consequence stage.
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
Got another job?
If by job you mean clever way of getting free tattoos, then yes. I got another job.
Apparently nick called me at 3 in the morning looking for you because you ate your keys and ran away..do I need to call an ambulance.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
Just get over here and light metaphorical fireworks in my literal vagina
The cat was building a spaceship out of the carpet, my legs were cans of tomato sauce, and there was something else in that pot you gave me.
I should probably apologize for licking you last night since you drove me home, but I stand by my decision
Randomize
