you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
Professor took us out for drinks. She said if I ordered the 64oz "Call a Cab," she'd give me an A. I drank it in 5 minutes. A+?
the guy in the stall next to me, came in, farted, laughed, and proceeded to give himself some sort of hillbilly pep talk that included the phrase "big pussy".
I just met the neighbor hes a self proclaimed coke dealer/ softporn producer.
Just lifeguarded a kid's party hungover so I could afford to go out drinking tonight. Circle of life shit goin on here.
I would've been fine if I didn't do the three shots
You did like 8
Don't forget: you only show your tits for the good beads. Be judicious.
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
FUCK and YOU. times 10. To infinity and beyond. You bastard. Worst. Cockblock. Ever. I'm going to nail your sister.
There is an unwrapped tampon, a condom, a rubber chicken and a slim Jim currently sitting on our dining room table.
He walked in wearing nothing but a WWF belt and yelled "THE CHAMP... IS... HEEERE!!!"
I guess I just don't understand how the two main issues with your ex involve a cock ring and a Christmas tree
This bowl is so big, I just said out loud, "I'm going to die here" as I blew smoke out the cat door. Merry fucking Christmas.
Randomize
