You Definitely drank the goldfish bowl like it was a giant margarita
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
You picked me up and threw me on a barstool and shoved shots in front of me.
Thats like the definition of a good friend
What's the second line of that rhyme that starts "Vicodin before scotch...?"
Also, did that cop draw hearts on everyone's hands last night?
my dad just told me he found me on the kitchen floor saturday morning with a microwave dinner on top of me, fork still in hand. priceless
Just threw up in the waiting room. I can't believe I have to switch dermatologists again.
I officially became the girl who let a guy get her off under the covers last night while her roommate and a friend were there. He was impressed by my ability to stay quiet and stay relatively focused on the conversation...
I am so ashamed of you, and yet so proud.
I have to stop envisioning penises as dragons.
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
The day I let him eat me out will be the day that Donald trump is an honest, kind, non-bigoted member of society
I kept screaming that he looked like Khal Drogo and rode around the bar on his back.
He spent three years trying to get a chance with me and finally broke me down. then he came in two minutes and was so upset he locked himself in the bathroom so I helped myself to his weed and left. Wanna get stoned?
Randomize
