i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
Dude feel your hair right now it feels so weird like pasta
You were in the garage half naked counting your ribs and talking about how you had too many
Wat the fuck dude ketchup in my bong???
Memorial weekend is going to be amazeballs. Jungle juice, drunk guys, and my vagina being stimulated by the vibrations of a 4 wheeler. I mean there is no way that can go wrong.
if you spike my cofee one more time im gona fuck you up. im presenting to the mayor in sevven fucking minuets. fuck you and youir fucking bartending classses i am so fuckign fcked
I'd say I should re evaluate my life choices, but I'd make the same decisions only faster and wearing a push up bra.
Mom just referred to a 9 year old as "this bitch", so I'd say day drinking was a success.
I am slightly proud of the fact his mom turns on the dryer located behind the spare bedroom EVERY time we visit!
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
"my nose is broken but I'm beer pong champ so it evens out really"
we need to make pact to not cut each other's hair on coke and whiskey nights.
While I agree, I dont think thats realistically possible
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Welcome aboard the S.S. struggle. I'll be your captain for today's voyage and Jeremy is your first mate. Just sit back and relax while we navigate the seas of drunken regret. Your forecast for the day is violently hungover with a chance of "shit, that really did happen!"
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