Good face, no body. And apparently her vagina is related to chewbaca.
She said you were bangin on the counters of McDonalds singing "These Eyes" at 4am
Grad practice is like a live scrapbook of my drunken sexual encounters
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
We fed him just...so many bright colored crayons when he was blacked out. I hope he looks at his shits because this could be all for nothing
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Haha, maybe if he wasn't dressed up like Kimmy Gibler he could give her the D
My whole house smells like Spaghetti-Os and cat litter. I think I've failed as an adult.
I'm pretty sure the guy who was grinding on me while I was trying to get a drink at he bar was one of my tinder matches
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
Last night at a party someone grabbed my ass so I just fucking punched them in the face then went home and ate a frozen pizza
DESTROY DICK DECEMBER\nTHE SUN SHINES ON THE THIRSTY
I am convinced you could sleep through the apocalypse and only wake up because youre hungry & want Dominoes
She deleted me on Facebook. I think it's safe to say that she knows I fucked him now.
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