opening your purse in class to grab a pen only to find dollar bills and pink fuzzy handcuffs instead...that's a cool feeling
nothing says happy new years better than a black eye from shooting yourself with a champagne bottle
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
BTW my friend remembers her as "the one with the pronounced chin"
You need to be more adventurous.
I am! Just not in a "I wanna get diseases" way
I think this is the rare instance where the babysitter should get sex as payment from the person being babysat plus you'll get birthday sex. It's a win-win.
Seriously, don't even. "Hi, have I seen you half naked covered in bright red body paint on the internet?" is NOT acceptable water-cooler chit-chat.
Aw.
Tried to land my foot on his shoulder and kicked him in the face. Then I fell into a homeless man's bike and posed with a buffalo head. How was your night?
She knocked me and my drink to the ground with her ass. I have never been mad at someone for having a glorious booty.
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
Have you ever had a pregnancy test laugh at you?
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple
Did I tell you he put a lobster carcass on his dick?
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